To consume alcohol.
To have sex with your boyfriend/girlfriend.
To watch pornography.
Its so easy to do all that.
Anyone can do it.
I’ve done some of it.
(My pre-saved days. Not many people know.)
I used to think I was rebellious.
You might think you’re being rebellious.
But really you’re not.
You’re just conforming to the ways of this world.
You want to know what’s hard?
Waiting on God.
That’s a challenge.
Not everyone can do that.
Yet I’m so willing to wait for my ultimate reward, like heaven.
Or a godly marriage.
I’m not gonna put it all on the line for some temporary pleasure.
You might but I won’t.
If you feel like I just stepped on your toe, feel awkward and uncomfortable, I just might be talking to you and maybe convicting you.
Forgive me if I sound legalistic, but I’m just stating truth.
It is what it is.
Take it as you like it.
Tough love hurts, but it shapes you.
I will not lie to you and tell you that your sin is alright.
If you are living this way, don’t think that God doesn’t love you.
He does very much.
To the point of sending his ONLY son to die for YOU.
Even if you were the last person on this earth sinning He’d still do it all for you.
There isn’t anything you can do to make God love you any more or less.
But your actions determine whether you’re well pleasing to God or not.
What are you doing when no one’s watching?
Like whether or not my parents convictions are the same as mine or not.
Trying to decipher what God wants me to do next year.
Trying to find a stable job.
Sometimes its so hard to tell people I’m waiting on God.
How do you explain that?
“Hey Rachel, so what are your plans for next year?”
“Well, um, I’m actually waiting for God to let me know.”
I sometimes wish people understood that I don’t rely on my own wants or needs but what God wants for me. I rely on him. After all his plans for my life will make me happy in the end.
I’m still figuring things out, for the rest of my life.
I guess this is just a post for myself to look on later and laugh at my silly worries. If that makes sense.
That usually we aren’t supposed to talk about it unless we’re asked.
But I’m so hungry.
My stomach hurts.
If you’ve gone through this pain then you might know as to what I’m referring to.
I’m trying not to think of food.
Ironically on these days it just so happens that everyone offers me food.
Offers to buy me food.
It makes me laugh.
I haven’t given in and I won’t.
There’s always a first for everything.
First boyfriend or girlfriend.
First day of school.
First time you fell.
First time your heart was broken.
First time you had the courage to talk to someone you liked.
First time you accepted Christ. (If you have.)
First time you wrote the alphabet.
First rollercoaster ride.
(Ok, by now you probably get it.)
Sometimes we believe that we need to prepare ourselves for situations such as those.
Most times we do.
But others, there’s nothing anyone can say, do, or teach us that will fully prepare us for situations stated as above.
We just have to go through those experiences so we may learn from them on our own.
The reason to why I’m writing about this, is due to my first small group.
I’m not going to lie, I was really nervous.
I didn’t feel ready.
I’d never been to this actual small group.
I’m only a year or two older than these girls.
Sure there were only two girls this one time.
And I kind of know these girls already.
I’m more of a friend than a leader to them.
But even then. My hands were clammy, my thoughts were scattered, and my tongue tied at times.
Practice makes perfect.
And there’s always a first for everything.
Everyone starts somewhere even the big people.
Those amazing public speakers.
News cast anchors
and so on.
I love how these girls encourage.
I definitely see mighty women of God and future leaders.
I’m so thankful that I have the opportunity to pour out love into the lives of these girls.
They all may be a year or two younger than me. But that doesn’t mean at all that God can’t use this 18yr. old intern gal to speak life into them.
I may not have been ready.
At least that’s what I think for myself.
But its funny how when you think you aren’t ready.
Those are the moments God says you are ready.
I’m starting to like glee.
As my brother you should. :)
“Holding On, Standing strong upon your word, Holding On, All your promises are sure. Because of who you are I will worship you. For your faithfulness I will worship you.”
Anthem for my life even when life may seem like a rough patch at times.
My dependency is upon God and not man.
I absolutely love this woman.
She is by far one of the most genuine, sincere, kindest, Godliest, encouraging leaders at my church.
I’ve been chosen to help assist her small group.
And honestly I excited.
Excited to see what God’s going to do in my life.
In the life of the girl’s I’ll be able to mentor.
And in the life of Stephanie.
Today I had the privilege of going on a coffee date with her and getting to talk to her.
I love how being around her can bring so much encouragement and joy to my heart.
She cares and loves unconditionally.
Her heart is always so open to embrace others, and her smile is always so warming.
I love talking to her.
Telling her my dreams and lifelong goals.
I’d say that if you ever need someone to listen and pray for you.
Than she’s the one person you should go to.
She’s gone through so much and is the true representation of beauty created from pain and ashes.
When I grow up I want to pray like her, love like her, and care so much for people like her.
I’m honestly so honoured to be her assistant.
And to call her my leader.
How the little things in life can inspire. Love, death, sunshine, coffee, adrenaline rush experiences.Especially music.
The twist and turns of beautiful melodies and harmonies blended into one. Almost like a married couple. Hahaha.
I’m sitting here listening to Adele’s 21 Album one of the most heartfelt albums I’ve heard recently.
Her songs are so deep and her lyrics come from the heart. And this made me think. It made me think.
Why can’t I do that?Why shouldn’t I be able to write heartfelt songs that can relate to people and make them think and maybe even smile or shed a tear?
Because I haven’t dedicated myself to do so. Lately I’ve been lacking on my songwriting. I’m no genius when it comes to songwriting, in fact I might not even be good at it. But I love doing it.
When little things inspire me. I put it down on paper and when I least expect it, it all comes together and becomes a song that can sound so melodious in my ears at least.
Unfortunately I can’t play if my life depended on it. Unless it’s Sara Bareilles or Demi Lovato or the only two songs I’ve written.
Which kinda sucks. But if I did I’d write up a heck of a storm of songs. ( If that makes any sense. )
But then I also thought. I try to hard. Too hard to write something meaningful. And then it hit me that for me it can’t just come from my own heart and the sun or whatever thing inspires me, but it has to come from God’s heart.
He plants seeds of inspiration in our hearts so we can create beautiful flowers that’ll grow. :)
His heart should become ours.
Slutty, Sophisticated, Weird, but today I bought lacey clothes.
It made me so happy.
I’ve been wanting to buy lacey clothes for the longest time.
Something about it makes women seem much more sophisticated, cute, and sexy all at once.
In my eyes at least.
I kinda feel like I took a step further into adulthood or womanhood.
Oh, and I bought underwear. (Not lacey underwear just plain cute underwear.) Made me happy as well. :)
Forgive me if I’ve been too explicit for you.
It is my blog after all right? ;)
bahaha! Jeremy, I don’t know how long it has been since you sent this message but I just noticed it. That just goes to show how attentive I am. bahaha.
I dont know but some people do mind I guess. When you use their pictures and that sort of stuff you know? lol.
Other than Joe Jonas (don’t judge) this man Joseph Gordon Levitt has been my celebrity crush. Ever since I saw 500 Days of Summer I thought he was adorable his cute dimpled face and smile. Love it. I promise I’m not obssesed I just think he’s cute. And so good looking in those suits.
When I get married I want my husband to dress up just as good as that.At least every Sunday. :)
Oh and with a voice like his. Did you know he sings? He sounds quite amazing actually.
Call me old all you want.
But I’m so burned out physically.
I know I shouldn’t have but I left church early so I could come home and sleep.
And I’m about to do so.
Its only 8:17.
The beautiful sounds of acoustic guitars playing in worship and random songs, the more I wish I could play the guitar.
I’m gonna try.
If no one will teach me, than I shall teach myself.
Such a beautiful sound.
Who knew such beauty would create melodies that instantly free people from chains.
Who knew such beauty would make a girl want to cry because she can’t get over how gorgeous the acoustic guitar sounds.
Is it just me?
I know these pictures are a bit heavy.
I do realize that.
And you may be wondering why I’m even posting these pictures. The reason I’m doing so is because well it kinda struck home.
Even though I’m not from Guatemala it hurts to see that its Narcs and Organized Gang Extortionists are causing all this death here and the country that borders it.
Over 15 bus drivers have been killed just this year in Guatemala, and over 185 bus drivers and their assistants were killed this past year.
It’s so sad to see this.
I couldn’t find any specific details as to why bus drivers. But its been seen as one of the most dangerous jobs in the city.
Join me in prayer for this country.
That whatever is causing these people to kill would stop and somehow be saved.
Side Note: Just as I’m about to write this “If We Ever Meet Again” by Timbaland and Katy Perry pops up in my playlist. If you keep reading this you’ll understand the irony in this.
My brother and I go out for breakfast every Sunday morning. Sometimes its McDonalds other times its some other restaurant.
But this past Sunday we were listening to the song I mentioned above and as usual I’m serenading to my brother.
His face all calm and cool like “Wow, I have the weirdest sister but whatever.”
And in one lyric Katy sings “Do you come here much, I swear I’ve seen your face before?”
Isai at that moment says “Um, Sarai, you see my face every morning.”
It may not seem funny but if you know him you’d be laughing. His dry sense of humor baffles me.
I don’t think I could have asked for a better ending to my Valentine’s Day like last night’s.
I understand that I said my perspective had been changed due to my bonding with my fellow intern girl friends.
But that didn’t stop me from supporting my friends, hanging out with them, and smashing heart cookies.
Oh yea, I said “Heart cookies”
All of this occured in the middle of Walmart’s parking lot.(Not really the middle more like the far right end of it.)
But it was great. Only Patrick, Kaitlin, and I dancing our butts off to “Picture to Burn” “Pushin Me Away” and “King of Anything” while sucking the helium love out of heart ballons from Dollar Tree. It really was great.
Next year we’re making a pinata and and hitting it.
It’s happening and no one but God can stop me from doing so.
There is no price to what went down.
There is no price to laughter that resounded in the night.
There is no price to the feeling of smashing the heart cookies and belting out our voices to love hate songs.
And lastly there is no price to the love I have towards these kids.
God pouring out his love.
His creation is living proof of it.
The Whitsundays is quite literally “The Heart of The Great Barrier Reef”
If I ever get married. I want this to be part of my honeymoon. Is it too much to ask?
Lemme say that first of all I’m not a huge fan of Valentine’s Day in fact before this past Saturday I hated Valentine’s Day.
I’ve been stupid and done childish/stupid things on this day.
So because of that result I just didn’t like it.
I still don’t I’m not gonna lie.
All the pink/red and endless amounts of candy and sweets hurt both my eyes and my tummy.
It kinda makes me nauseous
But after yesterday my perspective has been changed on quite a few things.
1. I’m so blessed to have a wonderful group of girls that love, support, hug, and are just always there for me. Last nights events made me realize that.
2. I don’t need a boy to be there for me or for me to call my valentine. I don’t need one. I don’t want one. Right now. I’ve got the One who formed me. And who loves me endlessly. (I’ve always known this but it was clarified in a way.)
3. Valentine’s Day is a day to be thankful for those whom are around you and just love you. From family and friends. And I just absolutely love that.
I’m kinda glad I’ve opened my mind to these new thoughts. And honestly I just wanna buy a rose or flower and give it to a stranger and tell them how they don’t need a significant other to love them. They’ve got someone WAY greater and much more loving. And His name is Yeshua. :)
Last night was just so much fun.
Most of the girls from my internship program hung out last night.
We danced and lemme just say some shook the bootay, well not some but all.
We ate heart pizzas, we laughed so hard, we ate weird looking fondue that tasted rather delightful.
And lastly we all sat in a circle and played spin the bottle.
I know what you might be thinking and no its quite the opposite actually.
I thought “Crap, they’re gonna ask me if I like someone, they’re gonna ask me if I’ve ever liked anyone. Etc”
I’m not a huge fan of sharing feelings like that or even sharing too much stuff from the past.
But instead we sat down and whomever the bottle was pointed at we had to say something we loved about that person.
At that I was a bit more at ease.
So the game went and before we knew we were crying, laughing even more, and just speaking life over other girls.
As cliché as it may seem I really felt like this brought us girls closer.
It really was great.
The bonding made me want to know each and every one of these girls more.
Take the time to get to know them better.
And really just become another friend.
I’m going to make it my goal before this year of internship is over. :)
Its gonna happen.
That was the anthem of the night.
Honestly crazy things happened tonight.
A closeminded atheist asked us questions the same day we finished our lessons on atheism.
- I couldn’t stop pointing to heaven saying He had set me free.
- He loves him and me.
-He’s above everything else.
Just declaring truth over mine and his life as he spoke lies into mine and his own.
I did not argue.
I did not want to argue.
I honestly don’t even remember half the stuff I said, I kept getting happy butterflies, it was almost as if God was giving me words that he wanted me to say and throwing them up.
(In a good way)
All I could do was smile and say truth.
I almost began crying because of how much love I felt towards him.
My heart just began to break for him.
I’m still thinking about him and praying for him.
The ones I wasn’t even going to walk up to.
But was persuaded by one of my intern mates.
I did it.
I don’t regret it, they gave me permission to pray for them.
I’m glad I stepped out and God opened a door for me to step in to.
That worship/praise circle.
I just absolutely loved how when we began singing and dancing people we’re drawn to our joy and excitement while being sober.
As the night went on we all moved to the other corner and had a HUGE praise circle.
Singing out and belting with all our might
“WHO THE SON SETS FREE IS FREE INDEED! HALLELUJAH!!”
And having random strangers join in our dance and having no reason to do so but to be as happy as us and dance with us.
Immediately their lips were speaking life and truth into their own lives.
God is working in this city.
He’s doing something, and I’m so thankful to be a part of it.
We love our beds so much, in fact when morning rolls around, we want so badly to stay in it because of its warmth and comfort.
I know for me its so hard to wake up and get out of bed because of how comfortable I am, that sometimes, I’ll just stay in it. (Not good)
What we may know but not really grasp though is that in our bed, there are so many bugs. We may think our beds are clean and all and they might be for a night. But all of our dirt and sweat throughout the night accumulates and attracts these bugs.
This can relate to our spiritual life. We’re so stuck in sin because its so “warm and comfortable” but what we fail to realize is that there’s so much more than that under the covers. The devil wants us to think so badly that what we may be doing, may be alright but really we are so full of bugs.
When we become christians and get saved, sometimes we can get so used to the Holy Spirit and everything that’s church related, that when God wants to reveal something fresh and new we don’t let him because we aren’t expectant.
Instead we become so comfortable with the things of God that we slowly allow our lives to be consumed by bugs.
We need to be spiritually woken up and shaken away from our comfort zones.
Enough Sleeping In!
Why go to sleep, get used to the warmth and comfort feeling when there’s so much more to significant to do?
Being taken out of our comfort zones can be the hardest, but when we are God begins to mold us.
You might be able to relate, but I find it so funny, how when you don’t feel like praying, when you don’t feel like reading you’re bible, when you don’t feel like going to church and you do, you usually end up having the most radical encounters ever.
Tonight I was scheduled to be on the worship team in my church.
Before whenever I’d have a bad day, or etc.
I would refuse to be on worship if I were scheduled (this was at my previous church)
And just so you know I was a stupid rebellious teen who wanted things done her way.
And today I hadn’t been feeling well, this week has just not been so great.
I almost wasn’t gonna show up for worship tonight.
I thought “Why? I’m in a not-so-great of a mood, I don’t feel good. And it won’t do anyone including God any good that I be up there on stage with a crappy attitude.” But before we practiced we prayed. And I said to God “Ok. God, first of all I kinda don’t wanna be here, and I feel bad for being up here with this kind of attitude, and I can’t back out now, so I’m just gonna forget about everything give all my worries, problems, and sickness to you. I pray that anything I have that might hinder you tonight from having your presence fill this place take it away.”
And there was freedom in the place during worship. I might not have shown it (cause I wasn’t feeling too great) but I definitely felt.
If I hadn’t shown up I don’t think I would’ve been set free and released from everything I’ve been going through tonight. Sure it could’ve happened if I were in the audience but I love how God can set people free even those on stage. I truly am so honored, blessed, thankful, and humbled to even be part of a worship team that helps lead kids including me into the presence of God.
Serving/Worshipping God shouldn’t be based upon our feelings, but by the Holy Spirit.
I said “Sleep sounds so yummy. Goodnight.”
in my tweet.
But I’m still wide awake.
Sleep does sound yummy but I can’t sleep.
I will try however.
Just 3 more days till I get to do the last part of my license.
Honestly I didn’t think I’d be as excited as I am now, but I am.
I can’t wait to be able to drive at 1am and not having to worry about cops randomly pulling me over, or just have that worry period.
I can’t wait.
Drives by myself just to hear myself think and talk to God.
I’m so excited.
Two rings I really really want. :)
This kid just gives me the hibbity jeebies.
The kid is a good kid, I know, because I’ve hung out with the kid and everyone around me says the kid is a really good kid.
But something about the kid just doesn’t seem right.
In fact when I see the kid my stomach does this nervous flip flop.
I don’t know if its a ridiculous feeling or something else. But I kinda get a bit nauseous.
The kid seems real
The kid is nice
The kid is cool
The kid is respectful
But the kid seems like there’s something the kid is hiding.
Just thinking about the kid makes me nervous.
Even reading the kid’s tweets make me feel nauseous.
The kid doesn’t tweet anything rude, inappropriate or vulgar.
I don’t know what to think about the kid.